Finding Ground Through Life Transitions

Life transitions can be rough.  Relationships break up.  Friendships change.  Jobs and projects come to an end. Things that once felt as certain as the sidewalk beneath your feet are suddenly gone, or drastically different.  There may be some sort of deep knowing that everything will be okay, but feelings of anxiety, fear and sadness can overwhelm that wise inner voice.  These feelings are normal during transitions.  And, believe it or not, they’re useful.  These types of emotions are signals that there’s something up.  Something needs attention.  Something needs care.  So what can you do to give yourself that kind of care?

First of all, start where you are.  Ask yourself in this moment, what do you need? 

Stability! you say.  Strength! Calm! Peace! A new love! More friendship! A new job!  

Yes. Yes! Of course.  You want and need these things.       

But how about right in this moment?  Are you feeling ungrounded and adrift? Uncentered and scattered?  Dark and heavy? Take a moment to gently focus on the feeling—no need to dive deep into it, just give it a little bit of space in your mind.  Maybe name it for yourself.  For example, I feel ungrounded.  Now, what does that ungrounded feeling need? Nothing comes to mind? 

Try feeling the ground.  Literally.  Feel your feet on the floor.  Focus on the sensations of your feet. Try wiggling your toes and pressing your feet into the floor.  Stand and do some gentle squats and engage your large leg muscles.  Check in with that ungrounded feeling.  Has anything shifted? Or, go outside and get your hands in some dirt.  Pay attention to what it feels like.  If you find something about it that feels pleasurable, maybe some space around those rough feelings.  Hang with that sense of space, or whatever part of you feels a little more okay.  Take a breath into it; take a mental snapshot of what you’re feeling.  Is there anything else that needs to happen?  Something else, small or big, that you can do to take care of yourself?  Follow your impulses, and then check back in.  How grounded or ungrounded do you feel now? 

You can work with other feelings in the same way.  If you’re uncentered, can you put your hands on your belly to help find your center again?  Can you contain the scattered feeling by wrapping yourself in a blanket? Step into the sun to lighten the darkness?  These are just ideas.  See if you can find a little something that works for you.  If you’re having a hard finding that edge of pleasure to grab onto, it might help to reach out to a friend, family member or other part of your community for reflection and support. 

It can be important to remember that these more easeful moments, like the more difficult moments, will come and go.  By paying attention to them you’re not trying to lock them in or prevent the rough feelings altogether.  You’re just building the tools that will help you navigate whatever transition you’re in.